The Tyranny of Normalcy

This post is from a Blog called Idle Rambling Thoughts of an Abstract Thinker (a wonderfully creative and self deprecating name given to a thoroughly wonderful and creative blog. Check it out sometime http://whatbox.blogspot.com/2006_07_01_whatbox_archive.html)
This reprinted post gives profound insight into the pain that is experienced by parents of children who are different in any significant and noticeable way.
Please read it and weep with people who love those who are seen and treated as being different, 'not normal'. Too often these people are singled out for unfair and hurtful responses from others who are desperate to establish their own standing in the hierarchy of the tyrannical and unChristlike Kingdom of 'Normality'.

My friend David Watson, whom you have read about in earlier posts, often asks in words almost unrecognizable by even those who know him well;
"WHAT IS NORMAL?" which being translated means, "WHAT IS NORMAL?"
http://impossibleape.blogspot.com/2005_12_01_impossibleape_archive.html


Here is Jenn's moving post form Idle Thoughts Blog.

If we learned to be open and affirming to everyone, especially the weak and the outcast, we would be closer to living in the Kingdom that Jesus came to deliver to us.

The Most Dangerous Place In the World Is Between a Mother and Her Child

"Friday night a terrible thing happened. I'll spare you all the crummy details, but in a nutshell Noelle crashed a birthday party for a little girl she considers to be her best friend. When we were in Hilton Head, Noelle spent time picking out the perfect birthday present for this girl. She was not invited to the party, but found out that it was going on and, since the girl hosting it lives on our street, Noelle took her present up there to give to this 'friend'. (I wasn't home at the time.)
Now, maybe it's just me, but I am of the opinion that any normal mother would have invited Noelle in and told her child that she is going to be nice and gracious. But this mother is not normal. Suffice it to say that Noelle was not invited in, and the birthday girl HID inside from her while the other party guests stood around laughing their snobby little asses off.
Two years ago, this little girl told Noelle that if she kissed a tree she could come to her party. Of course Noelle did it, and of course she wasn't invited. Then another girl told her to stand up on a table at school and sing some stupid song and she could come to her party. Second verse, same as the first. This is what it means to have Asperger's. Completely devoid of social skills or even comprehension of social dynamics. Noelle simply doesn't 'get it' and continues to believe these kids are her friends.When I try to explain to Noelle what's going on here, she makes excuses for these girls. I really thought that her therapist had reached a breakthrough and worked through some of these issues with her, but I see now that she still has a long way to go.
As a mother, it is so incredibly painful to stand by and watch this happen. I have tried over the years to talk with the mothers of these girls, to no avail. As you might imagine, they are part of the problem. There's no point in even trying to talk to them. All I can do is cradle my child in my arms, wipe her tears away, tell her that those girls are missing out on an awesome friend, and try to keep from killing the brats. "


Responses
Mary Beth said... How utterly heartbreaking that must be for you. It broke my heart to even read it.....
Aola said... Oh, God, Jen... I just sat here and bawled reading this. It brings up all those same horrible feelings I go through with Emily. She's the same way, as soon as someone pays her any kind of attention she thinks they are friends and then her heart gets broken over and over. I'm so sorry.

impossibleape said... My heart breaks for all the children, and adults for that matter, who are rejected for various reasons. We Christians really need to find ways to address this sort of thing in our churches and in society. I don't know if the mothers in this story attend any church or have any religious pretentions but even if not our churches need to lead the way by taking Jesus seriously when he says the last will be first and the first will be last. It almost requires an exaltation of those who suffer innocently as your daughter has. Her forgiving attitude is far more Christ like than mine towards those who have dispitefully used her.All I can sayis God Bless your precious little girl, she is a bit of Jesus to us and with us all.




Mary Beth said... Another thought, while I'm still fuming about this...Jennifer, you state that Asperger's renders Noelle "completely devoid of social skills." As a society at large, and as Noelle's neighbors, people should be filling in where she experiences this void. They should be going out of their way to be helpful and gracious, and to show tremendous hospitality, knowing that, for Noelle, learning such social skills is going to be a lifelong process. How about loving her into those skills instead of shaming her?
Jennifer said... Actually, one girl's mother teaches Sunday School! I guess I should define what I mean by social skills because I happen to think Noelle is the one acting socially appropriate here. What I mean is that AS kids are unable to read social cues from others such as "go away, we don't like you", etc. which leaves them vulnerable to be the butt of every joke. They also take everything very literally, so if a kid says "go take a hike"... she will. She's a female Forrest Gump. And I think we can all learn a few things from Forrest.


impossibleape said... Jenn can I use your daughter's story over on my blog? One of my life ambitions is to getChrsitians to recognize that Jesus visits us everyday in Noelle's and Joshua's and Forest's shoes, but far too often He is turned away.

Jennifer said... Gosh, I'd be honored IA. :)





What is normal?
Apparently it is people putting others down, judging, and excluding them.


What is normal?
Parents' hearts breaking as they see their children treated cruelly or simply shut out from life.


What is normal?
Religious people playing and reinforcing the 'normal game' but moving it to a higher level by claiming it is God who determines and enforces normal (usually that means, 'be like us in all our self righteousness') .

But one day, normal will be people caring for each other in open-hearted acceptance and loving interactions. Normal will be including and valuing the least of these my brethren as beautiful reflections of God's very image. Christ in our very presence.

What will be normal on that glorious day will be

'Thy Kingdom Come, Thy Will Be Done On Earth as it is in Heaven!'