Words of Woodsy Wisdom (God as an Underachiever)

Woody Allen Quotes



I am at two with nature.

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there
when it happens.












If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But
the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an
underachiever.

Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One
path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total
extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam;
I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly
not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones
slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much
more.

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I
definitely overpaid for my carpet.




What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's
worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.



Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over
much too soon.

Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is
finite. This is a very comforting thought-- particularly for
people who can never remember where they have left things.

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.





(To most of this I can only say an ironic Amen.)