A Comedian's Guide to Theology," by Thor Ramsey.

From the new release "A Comedian's Guide to Theology," by Thor Ramsey.




Author: Moses; Ghostwriter: God

Whenever you tell someone that you believe that the Bible is God's Word, they often look at you funny. So I've determined that this is no way to begin a conversation with the convenience store clerk. Just take your beer and go home.


The Bible's Oral Tradition (Which Has Nothing to Do with Mr. Roberts)

The Old Testament was written a long, long time ago, thus its fitting name. It wasn't written down initially. It was passed on orally, but the Israelites wrote it down after a nasty canker sore outbreak. Tradition says that Moses wrote the first five books of the Bible, but due to insufficient evidence, we don't really know what kind of advance he received.



Frisked for Jesus

Quoting the Bible unwisely can do more harm than good. Next time you get pulled over for speeding, quote Mark 5:13 to the officer, "The unclean spirits entered the pigs," and see if things don't go worse for you from then on.



The Silk Robe Church Crisis

After the New Testament books were made official, about 400 years after the birth of Jesus, everyone in ministry was given a really nice robe, and soon the Church became lazy; but what do you expect when you spend all day lounging around in a robe? The Church of Lazy neglected to practice some really good ideas that Jesus propagated, like loving your neighbor as yourself and not giving false witness. The neglect of these ideas is known as the Crusades and the Inquisition.


The Great Tradition of the Mother-in-Law Joke

The Bible says to honor your father and mother. It says nothing about your mother-in-law. This is because God never gives us more than we can handle.



Freedom Through Manipulation

According to the Bible, adultery is the only legitimate reason for divorce. So, if you're unhappily married, you might want to stack your home Bible study group with attractive people and encourage your spouse to mingle.